He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
