Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted