In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.