She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.