please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
