One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are