i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out