went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it hurts more in the daytime
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?