Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.