hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?