She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight