ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i dont even know how to be here
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I pour the whiskey from now on
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.