Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!