he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.