you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
