i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
