it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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