remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
