You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
