I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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