can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
