My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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