My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
