We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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