Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My hand turned me down
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
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