fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize