dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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