we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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