I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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