soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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