Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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