Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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