it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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