dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
