I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize