I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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