so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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