hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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