I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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