Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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