Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
