when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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