Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize