I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
