i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
