I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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