u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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