Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
