goodnight i made you a song goodbye
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
