Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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