Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
