Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
