There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
NoShamevember. You game?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
