I'm going to jail i love you
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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