Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize