I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize