went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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