I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
