so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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